Mood prepping

Ok, I have work to do. But I'm not really in the mood. Maybe because I'm tired. I'm sleepy, but Aufa hasn't been napping long enough for me to nap or

Unfinished businesses and accepting the feelings

I sort of know what I want to thought download about today. About why I don’t finish a project or why I quickly move on to something else. Not just why la, the whole thing. What was my thought? A lot. Tak best la. Lambat la. Banyak kerja la nak buat benda tu. Rasa excited at just the prospect of it. But bila dah start tu, jadi takde mood. Macam, oh, boring la. Wasn’t what I expected. Macam Hockademy. Mula-mula nak, bila dah dapat, hmm tak buat-buat. Figment. Kerina nye straws Tya nye sambal Planning part, churning out ideas - no, “possibilities” - is exciting. The possibility of what it could become. But bila nak make it become something, I back down? Why ah? I wasn’t anticipating the hard work? I know there’s going to be work, and at that moment, I want and willing to work for it. But after a while it sizzles out. I think because of the thoughts la. Half way through, I’d think, too long la benda ni, aku ada banyak lagi benda nak kena buat. Yang lagi penting. And then most of the time, I’d ended up not doing anything.

Ranting, anger.

I didn’t wake up to journal this morning at 5:30am, so here I am now. It’s 8:30am and I need to rush to send the kids and stuff. So I want to r

The first is the hardest.

I don't know. I have a proposal to create. I've done this before, but everytime I need to start doing it, I just don't know how to start. Like... I