Holy crap, it's been 47 days. It's already May. Time goes by SO quickly. I can feel myself going down the spiral of "not doing anything" and I'm pulling the feelings of regret, guilt and anger with it. But, stop. Good job, Dayana, for noticing it. You didn't not do anything. You knitted, you sorted the LEGOs, you started on the sales interaction map, you sketched, you assembled the trampoline, you attended BNI meetings, you had therapy sessions, you cooked, you made cupcakes, you made steak, you've perfected your Maggi game, you started watching branding course, you journaled, you list positive things that happened to your life, you watched movies and series, you played games, you relived your youth, your kids spend time with you, you folded underwear, took care of the house a bit more than you used to, you napped, you relaxed. You did a lot of things. But you just feel like you need to "work". Coach pressuring you to work, BNI members pressuring you to work. That's a lie. They were talking about work and business, so you feel pressured to also show interest in work, when all you really want is to just not think about work. Or is it I'm lazy? Oh, God. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think and feel so much? Why can't I just schedule my calendar, and actually stick to it? Ok, I have to change that sentence. Even Brooke says she feels resistance before starting something she planned, so she scheduled a slot for the resisting. I should also do that. And let's try to restructure the sentence, "Why can't I just do whatever that's on my calendar?" to "I have no problem honouring and following through on my time I set the calendar".
I feel like there are a ton of things I have to do, want to do and need to do. They are just racing in my head and fighting over which needs more prio
I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed with myself. I'm not able to wake up early in the mornings anymore. Well, that was true last week, but I did manage to wake up this week, just that Fariz was being cranky and sick, so I had to lay in bed. Nevertheless, still disappointed because I wanted to do 7thlumen invoices yesterday & this morning, but I didn't. I feel like there's not enough time in the world to do everything I need to do. I wish there was more time. I wish I was more efficient. I feel down now. Maybe that's why I'm reluctant to achieve RM10,000 salary target. Because I can't manage my time properly and sticking to it, so I don't think I can get RM10,000. At this point, I have this burning desire to stop journaling and list down to dos and plot them in my calendar lol. But I can't do that, no. That's reacting. If I keep giving in to my impulses, I'm never getting anything done. Ok, so I want to try sticking to my planned time today. Can I? Let's try today. What do I need to do, and what do I think I CAN do today?