My Money Relationship

I needed to do this. I haven't been journaling for a while, but then this realisation hits me, and I need to write. And it's going to be super uncomfortable and I will want to find ways to be distracted, and that's okay. I'll allow it and then get back to journaling. I don't know how Brooke suggested 10 minutes to thought download, I take 30 minutes AT LEAST.

Confusion: Income vs Business

I have a confusion. A confused mind, about work. And money. I have a goal, which is money oriented, not work oriented. I want more money for myself, more income, but not necessarily from the business. I goal is to increase my income, not my expand business.

New goal!

So, the day after. It’s not officially 24 hours yet (although I don’t know how long the euphoria will last. But the better question is, why am I e

Nak gaji RM10 ribu la

But why ah? Because I think it can make my problems go away? I don't know that. It's a nice figure to have? I can buy a lot of things with it? I can spend RM100 a day.

Thoughts on thoughts

I have a messy head. Literally, and figuratively lol. I have dry, itchy, flaky scalp that I've been picking on for this past week, and I also have A LOT of thoughts running through my head. Seriously, doesn't it stop? God. Most of my thoughts, aren't good. There's a lot of negative talk, putting down, beating up. I feel satisfaction when I've done work or something, and sometimes feel proud, but I don't think about it long enough. Or I don't think it at all. Like I've just finished Al Khayr's landing page and uploaded it to staging. And I feel relieved, satisfied. But I don't give any thought to it after that. I should, shouldn't I? Some athlete said he doesn't listen to himself talk, he TALKS to himself instead. Because the voices in our heads are really mean. They just find the worst in you. I know why I don't post pictures of myself. Or what I do. It's not because I'm shy or I think it's a waste of time. I just don't want people to know the current state I'm in. I let people come up with their assumption about my life. I just give them the vibe that I have my shit together. But that's so phony! That's why I hate myself more. That's why I don't get things done (reach my goals). Because I'm too embarrassed to admit to people (or myself?) that I'm still far away from my goal. That I'm NOWHERE near my goal. I want to stop using my mom's money. I want to pay her back. I want to buy new clothes for my kids, sign them up for activities. See when I write that, I feel sad and contracted and stiff. I feel sorry for myself when I write it. How am I supposed to attract more money if I'm giving the vibe that I don't deserve it? That I'm desperate for it? Longing. I know I THINK I deserve more money, but my body is giving out an opposite vibe. It all starts with a thought, so let's find the thought. T: