Money Love Story: Free Association on Financial Shame

Freewriting on things I spent money on that I've ashamed of. I've made quite a few questionable financial decisions in my life, but most of I can let go. But one that sticks out like a sore thumb is... my purchases on raw materials for Figment. The PU leathers, the zip sliders, the zip tape. When I look at it now, I still feel embarrassed. I don't even know where to start. So many emotions, words, thoughts. I started sewing with this thin PU leather that I bought from Etsy. I successfully made 2 pouches. Then I made box cases for Maryam. Then I had an idea to sell and start a business, and the next thing I did was buy 3 x 10 feet rolls of PU leather, 3000 zip sliders in 3 colours and 100m of zip tape. I had dreamt big. I really went all in. And this was in 2017. I've made some wristlets, sold a few at bazaars. Then I couldn't make more.

    I’m scared, but let’s do it anyway

    Well, I've finished 24 pieces of the 9x5 and 8x4 bags. It's time to do the content: social media and website. It's time to do the thinking part. I suddenly feel kind of lost. Before this there's this thinking where I need to keep sewing. Then now it's done, and I need to start the thinking part. I feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I feel like telling myself nonsense and self-assaulting, but I'm trying not to. But I shouldn't. I should let it come. Let it flow through me. So, what are the thoughts?