Figuring out CMCO routine

H ey ya, how are you? I have not been journaling for a long time. A month. Neither have I had any therapy sessions with Vasos. I don't feel like there's a need to do a session yet, but I think journaling is a long time coming. Nothing necessarily wrong. It's CMCO again, the schools are closed and routine is a getting... chaotic. There's no sense of boundary between work and personal life. I feel tired easily and also feel overwhelmed easily. Which then leads me to feel like not doing anything because I don't know where to start and then me feeling guilty not doing anything. Even though I have a to-do list, I don't seem to have the energy or will, even, to do it. I should probably try to do a schedule, I suppose? Let's see:

Bagi pinjam vs sedekah

I literally just received a Whatsapp message. Someone wants to borrow me money. I don't know how much, because I have not opened the message yet. And frankly, I'm trying my best to avoid opening the message. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. I hate, dislike, when people borrow my money. My whole body just tenses up. I don't like it at all. I don't know why. I could probably just dump it all on my dad because he likes to borrow money and be in debt. Or my mom, tak habis-habis bagi orang pinjam duit. Or I don't like the feeling of being used. Or parting with the money, because, I don't expect people to pay me back. If I want to lend people money, I have to be mentally prepared to not get it back. I have to be okay to not get it back. Because seriously, if you had money, would you borrow? I mean, I don't know. If it's business-wise, I probably wouldn't mind. If it's not something that I know happens repeatedly, I probably won't mind? I don't know. I just don't fucking like it. I think it's most likely the feeling of being used. Like, aku senang sangat ke? I mean, yeah, I'm definitely more senang than you are, but you've been in this situation for a

Limited income

I know I have access to a lot of money. But why is my income so little? Kenapa aku ambil RM5,000 je bulan-bulan, sedangkan my commitments are way higher than that? Why am I not taking more?


Aku nak mengadu je lah. Badan aku sakit. Lenguh sangat. From bahu to my ankles. Aku tak jumpa pulak wayar nak charge bantal panas ni. Kalau tak bol

Mental muscle.

I haven't created anything for myself, and I think that's sad. I hadn't used my creativity, to do what I want. I've been consuming, and not putting ou

Money management

Initially, I didn't think I wanted to journal this early in the morning, but I did my Monday Hour One and my head's functioning pretty well now. So there is something I want to talk about. I have money management issues. I do. I tend to end use up whatever money that I intend to put aside. The Cyberjaya house rental deposits, Figment's remaining investment money, ASB moratorium money, and others. I know and am well aware of the concept to put aside money and don't touch it, but I somehow have not been successful at refraining myself. And the worst part is, I don't realise that I am using that money. And I feel bad. I also feel lost. I don't know how to encounter it. I want to encounter it. But there's this

Where the fuck is my money

I didn't journal this morning. I watched Jim Kwik's MindValley masterclass intro video, then the kids got up. But now that I'm wide awake, I want t

Don’t skip journaling

I'm alone in the office. I didn't get the chance to journal in the morning because I was getting ready for BNI meeting, having breakfast and all that.

value = money

I remember thinking something yesterday night. Let me recall. Oh I think it's about how I determine my salary by my value. By the value I provide? Som

Where’s my money??

Good morning. I woke up at 5:30am today, because I want to journal and I don't know what time Fariz is going to wake up. Yesterday he woke up a little