I’m disappointed that my husband is still not awake yet. Literally and mentally. He’s still sleeping. I don’t think he understands what it is to be a parent. It’s not just about changing their diapers and bagi makan and send them to school. It’s also about giving them a sense of security, teach them life skills, set good examples (like wake up early, pray, and all that). It’s sad that we’re having a fifth kid and he’s still not realising it. And if I want to talk about current situation, he’s like, “What’s wrong with it?”
I wanted to do this after my exercise, but let’s just do it anyway.
I realise that I’m still thinking of the how. What I mean is, when I look back at my past journal entries, it’s about LOA. I try to feel good to attract good things.
Hey, I needed to do a quick thought download this morning, because I’m sort of feeling a bit down? And that’s not how I want to start the day. Plus, starting the day meeting people with high energy, I want to be on the same level as them. That’s it, girl. Make more money. Show up. What’s the person that I have to be, to receive RM15000 monthly income? I have to be wanting to work for it. And working for it doesn’t mean sitting in front of the computer bending down., doing work. It means showing up, telling people about yourself, offer services to people, offer ideas to people, be visible, show yourself, HAVE FUN. That’s the point!
Void of feelings lagi ke pagi ni? Tak jugak, sebab I feel angry, for a number of things. One, I woke up at 5am but I couldn’t journal because Fariz decided to wake up as well after aku kencing and I had to nurse him for 1.25 hours. I couldn’t journal on my phone because my screen cracked again and I’ve already had splinters in my fingertip from the cracks yesterday night, so I’m no risking that again. Taking the glass shards out was fucking painful. So I woke up early for what?
Ever since my dad was admitted to the hospital, I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know if I should feel sad. I know by right, by basic, normal human standards, I would feel sad. And I probably did, but I didn't want to feel it.