Favours

I wonder why I'm more focused or prefer (maybe not consciously, but it happens frequently) doing jobs or favours for free, aka "helping". Or I do something without asking for payment. After some thought (not really, but it's obvious now through my therapy sessions), I've come to a conclusion that it's because I don't see myself as valuable, worthy and equivalent of those adjectives. So when people ask for favours, I guess I feel like:

    It’s already 12 noon

    I got out of the toilet and saw that it's already 12. I couldn't believe that it's that fast already. And, so many thoughts and feelings. It's amazing how a human mind can have so many things going at once, but I guess it's not that good because I feel panic, anxiety and there's also like, chill. I don't know which way to go. When I thought, it's too late to do work now, I got other thoughts coming out as well:

      I have a few questions for DK the VIP

      I'm not sure if I should address this as my current self or future self.
      What's your personal goal?
      I want to be good in Javascript. Be a JS ninja, build apps using Node, React, Angular, Vue, whatever. To just be able to understand any kind of JS frameworks and libraries.

      Dream Day 12

      We moved somewhere, tapi rumah lama. I got my own room at the end of the second floor. Bigger. Then I have 2 other younger siblings, one boy & one girl. Their rooms are side by side. We lepak in the boy’s room looking out the road and saw a girl in japanese school uniform mcm tak puas hati pandang kitorg

      Dream Day 6

      Dreamt I was at a table and there was Mariam! And there was my old Chinese schoolmate but I forgot his name. Oh, it was Alvin. I was excited to see Mariam, she was sitting along and seems to be uncomfortable. I saw her from far.

      Dream Day 5

      There was an event in a hotel lobby. It felt like some MLM party. Kak Dik was there. Everyone’s dressed up, with diamonds and shit so maybe it was Kak Dik’s bday. The whole decor was grand too. I was going to eat, and Kak Dik came to me with her turban and all, with an annoyed look on her face and asked me where Alyssa is. Alyssa hasn’t come down and refused to join. So she’s threatening “Jangan sampai aku naik atass_, but to me, because she couldn’t get hold of Alyssa. “Naik atas” because Alyssa lives in a penthouse.

      Dream Day 4

      I was at a yoga class. Rumah ada kayu2 trainer mat salleh laki, kurus, tua (beruban) macam cult leader pun ada haha. There were two groups, one on the other end of the main hall. My group was either done or waiting for our turn, because we were sitting on the floor around a long wooden coffee table.

      LoA-ing a house

      It's been 2 days since I last journaled. I think that's a good improvement, considering I've been skipping 5-7 days on average. I would like to make i