Blog Archive

LoA-ing a house
It's been 2 days since I last journaled. I think that's a good improvement, considering I've been skipping 5-7 days on average. I would like to make i

Wow
Ok, I have work to do la today. Obviously, because it's Monday, it's a work day. I have things to do, and I know I have to do it. But I'm not looking forward to it. Actually, it's not that I'm not looking forward, but I just have something else I want to do first. I want to get the blanket done and out of sight. But the blanket is going to take a long time to finish. A long time, as in... not today. Probably another 2-3 days. And my work can't wait another 2-3 days. But I'm struggling to pull myself to do the thing I have to do, and that I know I must do first. So now I'm prepping myself. Let's see, what do I have to do:

    Creative block?
    Hmm. I don't have a particular topic to talk about, I just feel like I needed to write something out. Well, I know why I want to write it out. It's be

    I've been meaning to journal for a while now, but I've either been distracted to play WoW instead or sleep altogether. Lately, I know I've not been fe

    Midnight thoughts
    I am hopeful. I am a dreamer. I just can't find the motivation to do it. To make my hopes and dreams to reality. I realise I wait for people to take action before I take action. And I realise my husband does that too. I think we lack will. I don't know if it's because of the "pandemic", because it's been so long I can't tell anymore. I do hope for a better future, a better me. But I find myself feeling tired. There are times when I have a notion to do something, but I delay it and forget about it. Or go against it. For example, I already had the feeling of not wanting to order the chicken skins, but I sort of force myself. Or reason with myself, just order 1 pack this time. I find myself doing this a lot of times. Second-guessing, telling myself something else, the opposite. Doing the opposite of apa yang terdetik dalam hati. When that is when the intention is the purest. Let's try tomorrow, to do what I'm called to do in the first place. Not to be confused with the thing I want to do out of reaction. Not to be confused with being

    Mood prepping
    Ok, I have work to do. But I'm not really in the mood. Maybe because I'm tired. I'm sleepy, but Aufa hasn't been napping long enough for me to nap or

    Getting things done
    Yesterday night I had a realisation that I'm using my kids as excuses to not work. And as much as I hate to admit it, it is true. I'm displacing my guilt, my procrastinating on my kids. Masking my procrastination as busy, because my kids are at home. Well, last week before FMCO they weren't at home, but I still didn't get anything done. Do I want to work with Vasos on this? Or do I want to try it out first on my own? I wonder how I can do this on my own? What do I want to change? What do I want to change? What don't I like about it? I don't like procrastinating. I want to be motivated and get it done. I want to do it happy. Why do I want to get things done?

      It’s okay
      I'm pretty sure it's stress. Stress-related. My skin condition. The itchiness. Maybe not exactly stress, negative emotions more precisely. I'm goin