Breaking down old belief – flat tummy

Since Aufa was born, I have had this deep want = to have my tummy flatter. I don't expect it to be flat-flat, but firmer? Actually, since Aufa was born, it wasn't that deep, I just sort of accepted this flabby extra skin tummy because she was big and I gained weight. It was after I saw Zirra's transformation video that I wanted it rather badly. So after seeing the video, I knew it was possible to get back in shape. It served as motivation,  an inspiration, especially since she was someone I knew and had a history with. So I started doing light exercises a bit, focusing on my butt, breasts and tummy. But the motivation wasn't strong enough. I saved a lot of videos I found on Instagram too. There was no consistency, and I also had this thought being passed left and right about exercising - one is that I want a flat tummy (actual), and the other was that it's for my overall health (justifying). There is definitely something that's stopping me from being consistent, and I want to dismantle it.


I don't want to ask why because I think it's fruitless. How is it ok for him to say things to me that hurt my feelings and he doesn't even fucking rea


For the last month, I didn't do my Origin routine. I wasn't diligent in tracking my moods and I had to force myself to fill it up. To be honest, I giv


Bangun-bangun pagi utk sahur aku dah bengang gila dah ngan laki aku. Apa tunjuk hero ke apa? Dengan muka macam penat gila nak ckp kat aku dia lipat baju pukul sampai 2:30 pagi. Ko expect aku nak pat you in the back? MEMANG TAK LA. KO IGT KO HERO KE. BODO KE APA???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! PASTU JAP GI SATU HARI NI, KO TIDO. KATA NAK GI SAHUR. SAHUR LANCAU APEBENDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BODOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GERAM LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABI LAAAA KO NAK CARI PASAL PENATKAN BADAN APAHAL?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KO NAK TUNJUK KO APA??? LAKI OF THE YEAR?? PANTAT, AKU PUN PENAT LA!!! AKU PUN KERJA LAAA TAPI JANGAN JADI BODO LAAAAAAAA PASTU HARI NI KO NAK BANGUN PUKUL BERAPA?? SIAL LAH TAK PUASA LAGI LA HARI NI!!!!! IF YOU'RE DUMB, MAKE STUPID DECISIONS AND ARE AN


So... I realised this morning that I have a habit of over-promising (& not delivering), probably not being able to say no (not on the spot) when it comes to "clients". It's biting me back now. How the fuck am I supposed to finish everything this week? (read: this Wednesday) It's me... not wanting to look bad. That's the one issue/insecurity I struggle with. Because if I don't do it, or if I feel like I look bad, I'd hide from everyone. I guess that's my introverted side? I wonder how I can say no, to the people I know. Like Rajini, Rooban, (somehow they're all Indians). No, actually even better - I wonder how I say no to them, and I wonder how to actually finish the job on time when I've said yes.

Time blindness?

I  know I should slow down, but my head cannot get past finishing up My Runciit. Not slow down relax relax, but slow down to see the overall plan. To

No helpers tomorrow

I've been really caught up with work lately. Even pagi ni pun aku nak buat kerja when I could, and really should journal. Hm So many feelings, that it just becomes one big ball. I'm questioning a lot of things, one of it is- was it a bad thing to leave BNI? I feel the left out feeling suddenly. Feel rejected. Suddenly. I feel like it's not fair to them pula I leave suddenly. Lol. Am I having an attack? Possibly. I'm having trouble breathing smoothly. I'm trying to distract myself with other things than journalling. Well, at least Nani dah bangun to make breakfast. Tomorrow will be my turn. And the next day, and the next and onwards. Tomorrow will see how I handle/react/manage the kids in the morning with breakfast (two separate times) and mandi as well. Can I bring this monitor to work? I like it. It's huge. I should go wake them up. Tonight I will sleep early. In fact, I have to sleep early. If I want a bit of "me time" like this, I'd have to wake up at 5am.


    I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling right now. I don't know if I'm just tired or sleepy. But I feel... almost defeated. Rasa lemah hat


    Nak berak la plak. Maybe the Steam deck is not such a bad idea. Ok dah settle berak alhamdulillah. I realise I needed to journal a while back. But I didn't because I found other distractions (eg: main WoW balik. And I downloaded Overwatch too lol). But this morning, even WoW feels boring and serves no purpose to me, so here I am. Trying to journal. I'll probably go back to playing games after this, lol. There are things that I want to do for the company but I haven't yet. It is my fault, I procrastinated. Am I blaming myself? No. A bit. Lol. Does it make me feel like a failure? I have to admit, it does a bit. Maybe that's why I'm delaying the tasks even MORE. I mean, seriously, should it have taken the whole 5-6 hours to do Myrunciit's changes? No. I really did take my time. What's wrong? What's going on? Do I really want to know? No, not really. I don't really want to know why or care. I want to move on. I want to do it at the office. And rest when I get back. So today, I have a meeting with Rowan. I really want to wrap this up, send it for print, no more changes. If possible, I want to do it today. Actually no, I'll finish it today - the cover page edit, back page & FA it for print. But before that, I have to add the unit measurements for MyRunciit. Watch RCK AJL while having lunch/brunch. ESI, finish it today. Recap: