RMO Day 77

Hi good morning. The affirmations are great, I don't think I'm not good enough anymore. When I feel down, I understand I'm human, that it's normal, an

RMO Day 74

Ok, so I'm JUST starting to have feelings of self-doubt, random sorrow, my normal bouts of emotion. Hmm, maybe it's just meant to happen every 2 - 3 w

RMO (CMCO) Day 72

Wow. The last time I journaled was 22 days ago! I feel an onset of something coming, so I'm writing this all now so that it moves faster. Deal with as

RMO Day 50

I am feeling resistance in doing the BNI prezzo. Or doing anything work related, actually. Step 1, find out. It's in my upper chest area. After my collarbone and before my breasts, and also around my stomach area. Feeling: anger,

RMO Day 49

So I have this BNI Marketing webinar we'll be doing, it's this Saturday. It's happening, so it's too late for me to back out or anything, unless some really urgent emergency happens. I don't know what to do? But now I'm trying a different approach to my thinking, rather than saying I don't know, or whatever with a negative word in it, I try to make it sound solvable. Instead of "I don't know what to put out?", I say, "what can I put out?". So it gets the brain going, although not necessarily will be getting the answer straight away. It makes my brain open rather than shut it off and not think about it. Plus it makes me feel better too, even though I hesitate doing it. Heh.

RMO Day 47

Holy crap, it's been 47 days. It's already May. Time goes by SO quickly. I can feel myself going down the spiral of "not doing anything" and I'm pulling the feelings of regret, guilt and anger with it. But, stop. Good job, Dayana, for noticing it. You didn't not do anything. You knitted, you sorted the LEGOs, you started on the sales interaction map, you sketched, you assembled the trampoline, you attended BNI meetings, you had therapy sessions, you cooked, you made cupcakes, you made steak, you've perfected your Maggi game, you started watching branding course, you journaled, you list positive things that happened to your life, you watched movies and series, you played games, you relived your youth, your kids spend time with you, you folded underwear, took care of the house a bit more than you used to, you napped, you relaxed. You did a lot of things. But you just feel like you need to "work". Coach pressuring you to work, BNI members pressuring you to work. That's a lie. They were talking about work and business, so you feel pressured to also show interest in work, when all you really want is to just not think about work. Or is it I'm lazy? Oh, God. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think and feel so much? Why can't I just schedule my calendar, and actually stick to it? Ok, I have to change that sentence. Even Brooke says she feels resistance before starting something she planned, so she scheduled a slot for the resisting. I should also do that. And let's try to restructure the sentence, "Why can't I just do whatever that's on my calendar?" to "I have no problem honouring and following through on my time I set the calendar".

    RMO Day 42

    I’m disappointed that my husband is still not awake yet. Literally and mentally. He’s still sleeping. I don’t think he understands what it is to be a parent. It’s not just about changing their diapers and bagi makan and send them to school. It’s also about giving them a sense of security, teach them life skills, set good examples (like wake up early, pray, and all that). It’s sad that we’re having a fifth kid and he’s still not realising it. And if I want to talk about current situation, he’s like, “What’s wrong with it?”

    RMO Day 40

    I can't eat. Not because of fasting, but because of the pregnancy. It's slightly different. I'm nauseous to everything I used to love to eat. Except m

    RMO Day 39

    Second day puasa. I'm feeling, like, neutral and fake positive? I've a lot of thoughts dah since waking up, of course. Since I don't know what to t

    RMO Day 37

    Woke up, made myself nasi goreng. I should've let the ingredients to cook for a while longer, added more cili padi and put a little less oyster sauce, but other than that, I'm proud of myself. It seems like I have no thoughts to pour out,