Communication with Syam

I guess I know why I don’t talk much with Syam. As in, I’m not doing most of the talking. Because he incapable of understanding. Dia rasa mcm aku nak attack dia je, and makes decisions all reactively. And it makes me more quiet and not wanting to talk to him.

Am I unworthy?

As I was at BNI earlier today, I noticed some negative thoughts that popped up. And I'm quite lucky enough to realise that it was a negative thought. I was listening to Brooke's podcast on

Changing my thoughts on BNI

So I joined the BNI group. Privilege, Puchong branch. But I'm not excited about it now. It's not just with BNI; it's with other things as well. It's like... I feel excited at the moment, and when it passes, it's like, meh. When I remember it back, it doesn't feel as exciting anymore. It just feels like any other uneventful moment in my life. For example the woodworking class, the PACE business network. I definitely learn something from those classes, but I couldn't recreate the feeling of 'excited-ness' from that moment. Is that normal? How can I feel the sense of excitement going to EuroTrip? Switzerland? I actually, I don't. I don't feel a sense of excitement when I look through photos of our EuroTrip. I felt a sense of longing. Of wanting to go back. I guess it really just about my thoughts of it. I thought Switzerland was beautiful and pictured myself seeing the view every day. So the feeling I had was to miss it and to want to go back. I even feel it now as I type. Ok, what about BNI then? I can think of a few reasons why I'm not excited. Because it starts at 6:30 am, all the way in Puchong, I have a small baby, and they're like 85% Chinese, 14.9% Indian and 2 Malays. Lol. I guess I have that reservation, would I actually get business from them? I might need to do a model on this. But how ah? What do I want to achieve? I want to feel excited and looking forward to mingle and meet new people. I want to be confident introducing myself and my company to other people. I want to be better at explaining what I do. And from all of that, I would like to get feedback on how to improve myself and also get new businesses. So there's the model.

Investment or pay credit card debt?

Is it wise for me to take out cash investment to pay credit card? It will definitely lessen my monthly credit card commitments, by half. I could be paying RM600 instead of RM1200. But how does that extra RM600 benefit me? It’ll definitely feel like I can breathe easy & less burden. But would it really? How long will that relief feel? How long until I start feeling like RM600 extra money is not enough? Because it’s in the mind, right? If I feel I’m fine now, then it wouldn’t matter so much. But I do feel like it isn’t enough. I still feel burdened. It’s because I don’t know how to plan and control and be disciplined with money. By clearing off most of my credit card debt and have extra RM600 monthly, would it free me from having a scarcity mindset? Would I be able to experience and feel life from an abundance mindset?

I did an emotional decluttering exercise, and here’s what I found

Doing my emotional decluttering step, and I realised my parents are nasty towards me.

I was really hesitant to do this step.’ I didn’t feel it in my bones, like I didn’t feel heavy or lazy to do it, but I was delaying and delaying it. there would always be something more interesting to do or a video to watch on FB. I’ve slowed down FB for this week, but whenever I want to do the emotional decluttering, I would intentionally open FB to see what’s new (nothing. It’s 6am).