Expansion fear

I’m scared. I feel contracted in my chest. I’m scared. I’m scared that things don’t work out. I’m scared it’ll fuck up and bite us. I’m scared that we go in head first and then tak jadi and we’ll suffer losses. I’m scared we don’t have a backup plan. Or savings if shit hits the fan.

It’s definitely good that we’re getting more revenue, but I’m scared. Of the expansion. The growth. Should I consult Mr Nara? But why? Assurance? To tell me what to do? Because I definitely don’t know what to do. I think I know what to do, but I’m scared it’ll fuck me over.

I feel like I wanna talk to my mom. Tapi takut kena marah ngn dia plak. wahhahahah problem problem. But i think i do need to talk to her.

The business is expanding, which is great, i think. But I’m not ready? I’m completely not ready. Suddenly I need to hire 3-4 RANDO people. AND MANAGE THEM?!? That’s scary.

I’m listing down people to call to ask for help. But what help?!? Do I call Vas? To calm down?


Instead of feeling excited, I got anxious and scared and just shut off.

My crippling thoughts are:

  1. What if the deal falls out? If dah beli barang, hire staff, rent office and then tak jadi? They haven’t signed an agreement with us yet.
  2. I don’t know how to manage people. I’m not an HR/admin person
  3. Which decision is the right one? Bilik mana? Venue mana? Which one nak hire dulu? Senior? Junior? Ughh banyak nya pros and cons nak kena pikir.
  4. Banyak nya benda nak kena buat. Website, job posting, agreement, KWSP/SOCSO

wait, I have Adni. Tapi bila nak bagi dia job? I guess the next tonton punya? social media stuff? do probational? by contract? but I need to set the price with him. Sebab tak leh la over budget. Simple stuff la, just to buat duit la. Adaptation macam hari tu. And then if ada side stuff from BNI, bagi dia separate? For now yang kita takde staff lagi ni.

Gua cuak beb.

But at least now aku boleh move forward sikit.

The amount of responsibilities that I will have, and yet I have no fucking clue or any backup plan or future plan or… I don’t even have savings. I don’t have any plans for my kids’ future, or even mine. And now I have to plan for the future of the company?? I don’t even have my life together!!!

THAT’S WHAT SCARES ME! I’M A FRAUD! I DON’T HAVE IT TOGETHER! I can’t even type properly!! hdjsahdjahj

Visualization. Chill. It takes time, yes, but it’s not too late to plan.

You know what? I’m going to give Adni the projector brochure design. To gauge his work and speed. But I can’t pay much. Talk to syam about this.

What do you think?

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