Dream Day 5

There was an event in a hotel lobby. It felt like some MLM party. Kak Dik was there. Everyone’s dressed up, with diamonds and shit so maybe it was Kak Dik’s bday. The whole decor was grand too. I was going to eat, and Kak Dik came to me with her turban and all, with an annoyed look on her face and asked me where Alyssa is. Alyssa hasn’t come down and refused to join. So she’s threatening “Jangan sampai aku naik atass_, but to me, because she couldn’t get hold of Alyssa. “Naik atas” because Alyssa lives in a penthouse.

By the way, it’s interchangeably Alyssa/Yuna.

There’s one part where I see Yuna/Alyssa in black and white, drinking coffee, looking out the window. She kind of enjoys being alone. Away from the havoc. So I guess I knew where she was, but I told Kak Dik I didn’t.

Then after a while (I guess), I checked my IG story and saw Yuna/Alyssa bought a pearl ring. Or earring. Still in black & white filter. I can’t remember the brand. But it’s some not commonly heard brands.

The finishing of the filter is like the quote I saw on joose group. What was I feeling in here? There was empathy for Yuna/Alyssa. That lifestyle? I didn’t like it either, so I guess it was surprising that she didn’t like it too. I can’t remember much because I didn’t write it down straight away. I remember I was just standing alone, kind of feeling lonely because I didn’t know anyone there.

Oh haha I just realised Kak Dik look like her Whatsapp pic. Just her turban. Teal colour. I guess for this dream my brain is just processing yesterday’s event? Nah, I don’t think so. Only one part is, which is Kak Dik’s birthday. There wasn’t even a celebration (I think). What about Yuna/Alyssa character? What does she have to do with me?

The feeling I had was out of place because everyone else dah tua and datin-datin. I couldn’t connect and I didn’t know them. So I chose to be alone, awkwardly. I felt awkward, out of place. I wanted to connect with another like me, maybe that person Yuna/Alyssa vibe.

Oh! I think there’s one part of the dream where I tell someone (I feel like it’s Azara or a person like her), that I don’t like that lifestyle but I like the privilege that comes with it. And the conversation I had with Azara was brought into my dream, where she said Anisah can’t do much with her art degree/diploma (in the waking world, I mock offended it to her lol). In the waking world too, she said maybe Anisah just simply doesn’t want to do it.

Back in the dream world, she continued to say not like me & Syam, because we are making money with our art. I was trying to defend us because somehow I assume she thinks we get “tickets” for moving in life. For being able to buy an Alphard and stuff. So I wanted to justify that no, Syam got the client on his own. And that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. I explained that I feel sorry for all the men that are married into this family because the expectation is high. Especially to compete with the males in the family who are already given the ticket.

And even if these husbands say they’re unbothered by it, they would still feel some negative emotions when there are family gatherings. So I wanted to justify that, no, it wasn’t my family that got us here (money terms).

I guess I wanted to defend my achievements? Honour? By downplaying my status? I don’t know. I want the common people to understand me and like me. Because I like being with them. But I also like coming from a well to do family.

What do you think?

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