Part 1: My views on money
When I think about rich people… I think of my cousins and their bratty asses.
People with money are… probably bad? Probably ok? I don’t know. Somehow it doesn’t matter if you’re good or trying to help or not, people will still view rich people as bad.
To me, money is… scary. Because it can be either good or bad. And we can it either from a good or bad way. This is interesting news to me, because I’ve always thought I love money. Maybe I do love money, but I probably don’t understand it enough to be control it rather than let it control me. And I probably also don’t like people’s views of me when I have money.
Growing up, I was taught that people who have money are… lupa daratan. Hahaha. Like, they forget their roots and stuff. But I know that’s not entirely true. I guess I wasn’t directly taught, because I was born in a sort of wealthy family on my mom’s side. But I suppose yeah, lupa daratan would be the direct words out of my mom’s mouth. Oh and from my dad’s side, it’s… kuat belanja. Welp, he’s “frugal”, but he’s still in a lot of debt, isn’t he? Ok, felt a bit guilty writing that, probably because he’s dead and I’m supposed to respect the dead.
My experience around people who seem to be living prosperously has been… envy, but also sad for them. I envy them for the luxuries they can afford, but I feel sad for them to not experience a little bit of struggle, at least. Not a bad kind of struggle, you know, but things like changing’s your babiy’s diaper, folding your own laundry and all that. Sometimes I feel bored for them. So you mean all you do is go to lunches, dinner parties, gossip? That’s… boring. Or backpacking through Europe. But I guess I don’t have to be that way. I can be my own kind of rich.
When it comes to making a lot of money I… I don’t know how. I have ideas, but I guess I’m scared. Not motivated enough to execute it. Not willing to give it all.
People who live in service are… lacking something? I don’t understand what this means actually. Are they a yes man? Or they repairmans? Or they live in service apartments? If they’re number 1&3, then yeah, they’re lacking something. If they’re #1, then they’re like Tya, who’s always trying to help people even if she doesn’t want to because she wants to distract herself. If they’re #3, I’ve lived in a flat before, and they’re quite selfish, really. Hey, now that I think about it, rich people are less selfish than poor people. Not dead poor, but the people in the flat poor. Because they think of their own periuk nasi only. Sure, they’ll probably share a bit of stuff with their neighbours, but if some easy moeny like charity or donations come, then you’ll see the greedy side of them. Hogging everything for their own.
When I think about what it would be like to make more money I… think of the hard work.
In my religious upbringing, money was seen as… a tool to help or something to give away? Fine line there. We’re supposed to help people, but we should help ourselves first. The give away part feels stronger. But, it should not be in a bad way, like it’s a bad thing to have. It’s more like, for us to be able to part easily with the money & trust that more money will come. We should part with a sense of gratitude & genuine. And there’s this believe that the more you part with money, the more will come. The intention is good, but I think how it’s being interpreted is skewed.
And there’s a lot of duas about how to increase your rezeki, which as one person pointed out, creates a sense of dependency on just these doas instead of acting on it as well. And the people sharing these rezeki doas, koranf pikir duit je ke? A lot of Muslims in Malaysia thinks that rezeki is money. But it’s not. It’s the food you eat, the cloths you wear, the house you’re in, the ease of your daily life, your children’s attitudes. It’s so much more.
I’ve always associated money with… buying more stuff. Or travel. To spend lah, obviously. If I don’t need to spend, I don’t need money.
My current spiritual beliefs around money are… it’s like the air we breathe, flowing in an out everyday … and the way I put them into practice is… not being stress out when I have to spend it.
The spiritual beliefs I was brought up with around money were… confusing, negative … and the way those were put into practice was… to spend, ignore
Part 2: Looking at My Views
I think I feel strongly to quite a few stuff around here except the last one, where I’m not quite sure.
What surprised you about how you answered those prompts?
I was surprised that I am scared of money. Like I mentioned earlier, I thought I love money. But when I think about it, I feel happy when I receive money for a while, then I forget about it. I don’t put it somewhere proper. Or I don’t take care of it. I could leave my cash on the table for weeks, misplace it. Even my wristlet as well. I might not even know where it is for 2 days. Maybe I’m scared of the money because I don’t know what to do with it.
Like, if I have it in my account or wallet, I feel like I need to do something with it. Like, invest it or put it somewhere so it “grows”. That could explain why I don’t have a savings account. Because rasa rugi biar je satu tempat. What’s the purpose of savings account anyway?
Maybe I’m also scared of money because I don’t want me and my kids to be bratty shitheads like my cousins.
What did you find when you asked yourself to dive deeper?
Tu yang aku bebel atas tu. And more actually.
I find that my feelings and views towards money is quite all over the place. I want more money, but at the same time I may not want more money.
But it’s not that I don’t want more money, I don’t want to be bratty, arrogant rich people with bratty shithead kids. I want to be rich, but with a conscience. I don’t want super big houses with in-house karaoke/theatre or arcade. I want a practical, sustainable house that looks like a freaking resort. A house that I can actually enjoy in without worrying about dirtying it and that I can FULLY utilise.
And I’m also scared of people’s perception of me, but I think what worries me more is that I fear that people will take advantage of me. Lend money from me and stuff.
What did you learn about your money programming through this exercise?
Rich kids = bratty. And that I expect money to come easily like how my cousins have been handed down their wealth. Like, aren’t I supposed to be like that too? Hahahah. Kidding. Or maybe not.
Not from this exercise, necessarily, but I realise there are different interpretation of “no money” for these people. Not being able to send their kids to study oversea or at private school equates to no money. And some other examples.
I guess what I learn is I’m struggling to separate my OWN views & feelings about money with my upbringing and how I see things from my childhood.