Me, as a heroine.
I knew how to make money. I knew how to use my skills to make money. It’s not multi-million money, but it’s enough to make me proud of myself. I didn’t just approach fellow students, I went to businesses as well. Looking now, I do have a strong tie that money equals work. Maybe that’s what’s making me feel shitty every once in a while.
Anyway, I’m the heroine. I’ve worked as a waitress, in a bookstore (I love it! I love bookstores), at Starbucks, a movie theatre. Wow, I’m writing all these with pride. So proud of myself. Couldn’t keep the money? No problem. I know I can make it.
Then I started on more career-oriented jobs – doing assignments, freelancing for companies (Best Goats & Emagineers), interning at Motiofixo, all in my Uni years.
Then I got a job at Antics, met wonderful people and learned so so much, I love them so much. It really was fun. Got a new job at Tribal, where I got salary increments THRICE in 2 short years. Super fucking proud.
After I had Faiz I wanted to venture out, doing my own crochet business. While at the time still freelancing as a front end developer. I soon realise that crochet was taking a lot of time and not going anywhere. I did regret that decision at that time. But I told my husband I wasn’t going to touch his money for my commitments and stuff, so I did take out a lot of my ASB investments at that time to stay afloat.
For every job opportunity that came through, I told them I’m up for freelancing only. And that’s when I Billplz hired me. They were fine with me working from home, which at that time is really really really rare. It’s common now because of the pandemic, but a few years back it was super rare. Of course my salary kurang sikit, but hey, I get to stay home.
And every year my salary got bigger.
Then Syam quit his job. So it was a pressure. But that allowed me to work more. There was a struggle, of course. But because of my WFH nature, I get to take on other freelancing jobs as well. One of them was for Genting. And at the same time, I was being poached by Loki Media. The boss won’t stop pestering me until Francesco reached out and I was duped into meeting them. I didn’t know they worked together.
Thinking back, it’s really awesome. It’s really awesome that I’m this person that everyone wants. Because I do such a good job, that it’s in their minds long after I left. Like, Dayana’s the go-to person for website development. Which honestly, makes me feel like I’m a fraud now. Impostor syndrome, been turning down jobs or ignoring them because I’m too afraid to face the fact that I’m so left behind.
Anyway, Loke agreed that I’ll come in three times a week because the other days I would have to go to Billplz. So at that one point in my life, I was doing 3 jobs. Pretty awesome. Now I can also say that I’ve worked three jobs.
I’m very thankful for my mom to support us financially at this stage. Soon, Syam started to get small jobs, which then led to a bigger job. A breakthrough, I would say. At this point, I’ve quit my job at Loke, it was too stressful for me to work 3 jobs. So I had my freelancing gig and Billplz at that time. I signed us up for a business course, begged my mom for money which I am yet to pay her back.
I told Naz that I’m starting my own business and that I’m quitting. He respected that, but of course, he tried to get me to stay by offering increment, which is hugeeee. But I stood by my decision, and he respects that. And I’m proud to say that they are still using my work in the backend of their website.
I started sewing bags from my SIL’s fabric scraps as a hobby, then I thought I could sell this. I bought zips and leather, more fabric and started selling it at maker’s booths. It was great. Oh! And before that we did some drinks business during food events, we sold juice and mocktails. Great experience. It’s so fun. I’ve had so much fun with my husband and friends and family.
Due to the pandemic, my bags are stopped, but I’m planning to revive that business! Other than that, I’ve also knitted & crocheted, getting paid for that as well. But this is more like a fun time thing to do, and being able to sell them is just a bonus. I’d still be doing it either way.
My main focus now is 7thlumen, my design & advertising business, and also Figment, my bag business.
Throughout this whole journey, especially after getting Fariz, I journaled, A LOT. Signed up for life coach school, with therapy sessions with Vasos, which helped tremendously. I think somewhere along the line, my relationship with debts is different. I mean, I still have the same about of commitments that I have to pay, and my money pun lebih kurang la kan. And I’m also still actively spending money, more comfortable actually. And I don’t feel suffocated. I don’t feel anxious. I feel light. I feel… oh, I still have a lot of money. That affirmation exercise I did, to have like a few thousand of balance in my account is a reality now. It’s amazing.
And now, I’m on a journey to unblock, to free myself from this graspy feeling that I can’t afford a house. Because honestly, I can. And my relationship with money is sooo much better. I can do and get anything I want. InsyaAllah, Alhamdulillah.