I wonder

There are things that I need to think about, that I need to sort out, but I’m refusing to. Kenapa? Tak tau. Sebab aku rasa serabut. I can literally feel my mental energy draining out just thinking about approaching it lol. But what are the things? That need attention?

Rowan’s booklet, that’s one. And overdue. TSG proposal, fucking completely forgot about it. Devan’s training brochures. Cleaning up this fucking mess in this room. Faiz’s school books. Figment bags and the parts are every where. I’m practically wasting money here.

I like when I spend money on yarns and needles and stuff I like, because it makes me feel powerful. That I have a lot money to spend.

But I’m so fucking lazy. Is that a bad thing? To just want money to come in while I’m playing WoW, knitting, crocheting, do my own thing. Is being a lazy a bad thing?

I’m not lazy. I’m not demotivated as well. I just am not channeling my energy to the task that I’m supposed to do. Because I don’t feel like I want to spend my energy on that task. And I don’t feel like it because I want to do something else. Because it doesn’t give me a sense of accomplishment?

Like, I do it because I have to do it.

But in life, you sometimes do things because you have to. Whether you like it or not. It’d be nice if there’s passion or drive. Sometimes you just have to drag yourself to it.

But there are so many other exciting things to do. Like knitting, looking at yarns, play WoW.

How can I make mundane work exciting? How can I make the things I don’t want to do, exciting? Fun?

I wonder how…

What do you think?

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