I am hopeful. I am a dreamer.
I just can’t find the motivation to do it. To make my hopes and dreams to reality.
I realise I wait for people to take action before I take action. And I realise my husband does that too. I think we lack will. I don’t know if it’s because of the “pandemic”, because it’s been so long I can’t tell anymore.
I do hope for a better future, a better me. But I find myself feeling tired. There are times when I have a notion to do something, but I delay it and forget about it. Or go against it. For example, I already had the feeling of not wanting to order the chicken skins, but I sort of force myself. Or reason with myself, just order 1 pack this time.
I find myself doing this a lot of times. Second-guessing, telling myself something else, the opposite. Doing the opposite of apa yang terdetik dalam hati. When that is when the intention is the purest.
Let’s try tomorrow, to do what I’m called to do in the first place.
Not to be confused with the thing I want to do out of reaction. Not to be confused with being reactive. Like, something happened and you want to react to that situation.
This is spontaneous, sudden, usually small and tiny. Pure. From the heart, not reactive.