Well, macam biasalah aku ada benda2 yang macam tak kena sikit. I don’t like it la. Aku tak tau la apa yg aku rasa burdened sangat. Macam sekarang pagi2 buta ni pun aku dah rasa serabut that I don’t want to address it. But I know I need to lah.
I understand that this feeling will come once in a while and linger, but it just seems to come more often. Hilarious, as I was logging in tadi, I was thinking going to do Monday Hour 1, then now tetibe rasa all this mixed negative feelings and thoughts that seems to want to burst out. But I don’t even know what they are. They’re like.. jumbled and tangled together and tak nampak what it is. Just nampak macam one big hairball.
So aku nak buat apa? Address it ke? Find it ke?
From what I hear Brooke said yesterday, I don’t have to bury/destroy or replace the thoughts that I have now with a new better sounding thought. I can just accept that they’re there and move on.
And based on the last 2 days of frustratingly untangling the kids’ balloons, I don’t think I have to untangle the messy hairball. Simply because it is impossible. Maybe it is possible, but it will take a long time and I’ll be fixated on it and really, that’s now how I want to live my life.
So I will acknowledge I have a floating tangled hairball of negative thoughts somewhere in my head, and I’ll leave it there. And if it comes loose and got untangled on its own, then I will consider taking a look at it.
Wow. This actually makes me feel so much better.