I supposed I’m feeling torn? I’m not sure if it’s because of MCO or memang aku macam ni, haha. Like, aku nak berkawan? Entah weh. Aku tak tau macam mana aku nak explain. Like a few months back, when I just “joined” in the WoW group, memang aku macam nak sentiasa dengan diorang. I guess sebab kawan-kawan baru, and sebab aku pun tak de nak pergi mana-mana?
I don’t know. I mean, boleh je pergi jumpa budak2 BNI kan, but I liked playing games with them sebab gelak-gelak. And then now I’m slowly macam, torn jugak, between going online / “tunjuk muka” and not online so much? Adui, aku pun tak faham. Basically aku rasa macam nak main sorang-sorang jer.
I know I cannot ikut rentak diorang. And initially I wanted to. Eventually I come to my senses that aku ada anak-anak & business to run, so I can’t online all the time like they do. And to be honest, do I want to go down that route? I’m 35 now, and they all are about my age too. Some are married, some are not. Like now, I don’t really give a shit my DPS tak high ke apa, because I don’t have the luxury to farm like they do, and frankly, I don’t want too. I’ve lived that life before in my uni years. And aku nak ke giving priority to the game more than my kids? I don’t.
So, what’s this rant for?
Oh I got nasi goreng.
I think sebab maybe I realise that I’m not one of them, and I may have stepped some boundaries. There are probably jokes that I can’t or have the permission to make yet, because, aku “baru”.
Well, I supposed I want to feel like a part of the “team”. But, team apa pun aku tatau lah kan. Hahaha. I can’t and shouldn’t expect them to invite me to dungeons and Torghast and stuff, because, I’m not there “long enough”, I suppose. Nak masuk Lagenda ah. Hahaha.
So… purpose of this rant? I think just me justifying / validating my thoughts and feelings. And at the same time trying to come up with a solution/outcome.
I guess my outcome will be…
- No need on Discord all the time.
- Just do keys on my own PUGs or what not.
- Just stay in Kartel, mind my own business.
- Tak pe lah lambat, I didn’t come back to add more responsibilities in my life. This was supposed to be for fun.
- If they invite me, I’ll join. If not, I’ll just mind my own business.
I feel a bit sad, though writing that. Maybe because when I listed it, it’s with a thought of isolating myself because I’m “not part of the group”, instead of “I’m happy doing things on my own”.
But, really, even they go on their own. So I really shouldn’t terasa sangat.