Oh hello there

This is a rare occasion where I’m up in the middle of the night for my own thoughts. Aufa’s surprisingly asleep, she slept quite early. And I also got to sleep quite early, around 10-ish. I got myself to wake up because Syam already made me coffee and I didn’t want to waste it. Logged in to WoW for a while and now I don’t feel like playing anymore, but I don’t feel sleepy either, although I know I’d fall asleep easily if I just laid down.

I feel kind of empty suddenly. And naturally, I want to fill in that void by trying to get myself to do something “productive”. Things like, I should do Figment, or update this blog’s layout, do the BNI poster, do Sumayya. Those are just knee-jerk reaction to not feel empty. My first instinct was actually to journal, but my mind’ like, “Oh no no, let’s do something else.”


I feel like my husband’s unprepared. I had this thought magnified today, after seeing the house. Of course, I’m comparing other people’s achievements (owning a house, standing on their own). And here we are, with 5 kids and still living with my mom in her house and feeling out of control of our own lives. While it’s easier to put the blame on him and feel like he’s not “doing” what fathers/husbands are SUPPOSED to do, I realise I’m also not prepared.

It just dawned on me that we have 5 kids and we’re… not, I don’t know… not independent? Looking that I’m going to be 35 years old and he’s almost 40 years old and still living with my mom (not paying bills, not contributing to groceries), is just… embarrassing. I don’t even give my mom money because… I don’t have it. I don’t know, is starting our own company was a mistake?

If I stayed with Billplz, I’d get RM10,000. Probably would be easier to get a loan. To, you know, buy a house and all.

Wait, I have RM20,000 that I can use to pay off my credit card. Then I can stop paying RM950 every month.

Of course, that’s my ASB investment and it may affect my dividend returns. But without paying RM950 every month, it would mean that I can put more in ASB. Or something else, not just ASB. It’s something that I need to plan out, but it does give me a glimmer of hope. Hope from what, tak tau, but I do feel a bit better. Like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

I think I have about RM12k more left to pay? Because my available amount to spend is about RM7k.

ASB: RM21k
Credit card: RM12k+
ASB loan (1 year): RM6.8k
Total: RM19k

Total saved (1 year): RM18,240
Credit card monthly payments (12 months) + ASB monthly payments (12 months)
(950 x 12) + (570 x 12) = (RM11,400 + RM6840) = RM18,240

If I do this, it would mean my ASB investment will be back to square one, but for the whole year, I’ll be more financially unburdened and will (hopefully) feel emotionally stable/free.

Just need to run the numbers.

How can I buy a house without taking up a bank loan?

What do you think?

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