Bagi pinjam vs sedekah

I literally just received a Whatsapp message. Someone wants to borrow me money. I don’t know how much, because I have not opened the message yet. And frankly, I’m trying my best to avoid opening the message. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.

I hate, dislike, when people borrow my money. My whole body just tenses up. I don’t like it at all.

I don’t know why. I could probably just dump it all on my dad because he likes to borrow money and be in debt. Or my mom, tak habis-habis bagi orang pinjam duit. Or I don’t like the feeling of being used. Or parting with the money, because, I don’t expect people to pay me back. If I want to lend people money, I have to be mentally prepared to not get it back. I have to be okay to not get it back.

Because seriously, if you had money, would you borrow?

I mean, I don’t know. If it’s business-wise, I probably wouldn’t mind. If it’s not something that I know happens repeatedly, I probably won’t mind? I don’t know.

I just don’t fucking like it. I think it’s most likely the feeling of being used. Like, aku senang sangat ke? I mean, yeah, I’m definitely more senang than you are, but you’ve been in this situation for a long time. Shouldn’t you do something about it? And the fact that you chose to stay in that situation, it’s just… mind-blowing.

I don’t pity the idiot. I don’t even pity myself if I’m the idiot.

What do you need this money for?

But, in the end, aku nak bagi ke tak? She hasn’t stated the amount. Soft loan, pay bit by bit… What the hell does that mean?

I don’t want to lend her money. I can sedekah her a bit. Like RM150 is what I’m comfortable with.

Oh my god. Yeah, I don’t want to lend. This the gratitude part. Because yes, I am more senang than her. And I’m grateful I’m more senang than her. I can part with RM150. Allah, the Universe, has given me so much, a new car, another child, a chance to increase my ASB dividend via Tya, knowledge about investment. This is the least I can do. So yeah, I’ve made my decision. RM150 – RM200.

What do you think?

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