I’m scared, but let’s do it anyway

Well, I’ve finished 24 pieces of the 9×5 and 8×4 bags. It’s time to do the content: social media and website. It’s time to do the thinking part.

I suddenly feel kind of lost. Before this there’s this thinking where I need to keep sewing. Then now it’s done, and I need to start the thinking part.

I feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I feel like telling myself nonsense and self-assaulting, but I’m trying not to. But I shouldn’t. I should let it come. Let it flow through me. So, what are the thoughts?

  • I can’t do thinking
  • I don’t know how to do it
  • I have no idea
  • My mind is blank

Pat yourself in the back. Congratulate yourself for noticing them. Now go distract yourself. And come back with a new thought.

Back.

I know why I feel bad. I want to work on Figment’s website, but I am scared. So I buffer. I distract myself. I want to design my own blog. Then I feel bad when I can’t figure out what background pattern to make. Then I make it that it’s because I don’t know how to design.

I want to run away from doing actual work. From doing Apaka, from designing Rao’s flyers, from coming up with Figment’s content. Work that will actually generate money.

Ugh, I feel the rock again. In my chest. Right in between my breasts, but higher, below the collarbone.

I want to make it go away. I want to design. How is it that I can design the posters and backgrounds for BNI but I can’t apply it on actual work?

When I did for BNI, I thought that they’re OK with anything because they don’t know anything. Whatever I design, will be better than any of theirs. Even Rooban. But when it comes to Apaka and Rao, it’s scary, it freezes my brain because I’m thinking, they’re paying me. They’re judging me. And that just makes me freeze.

What about Figment? I mean, no one is going to judge Figment. I AM the judge. Sure, Syam would probably say stuff, but at the end of the day, I am the owner. But STILL I’m stuck. What is wrong with my brain?

I don’t want to be distracted. I don’t want to want to redesign my blog. I don’t want to convert the templates. I want to focus on Figment over the weekend. I want to get the content for the website done.

I don’t know how to end this. I guess I’ll do laddering. Do small stuff first.

  • Landing page content
    • Above the fold text

Ok, let’s start with that. Or a sketch of the layout with what I want to put on the website.

Yep, ok.

What do you think?

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