Holy crap, it’s been 47 days. It’s already May. Time goes by SO quickly. I can feel myself going down the spiral of “not doing anything” and I’m pulling the feelings of regret, guilt and anger with it.
But, stop. Good job, Dayana, for noticing it. You didn’t not do anything. You knitted, you sorted the LEGOs, you started on the sales interaction map, you sketched, you assembled the trampoline, you attended BNI meetings, you had therapy sessions, you cooked, you made cupcakes, you made steak, you’ve perfected your Maggi game, you started watching branding course, you journaled, you list positive things that happened to your life, you watched movies and series, you played games, you relived your youth, your kids spend time with you, you folded underwear, took care of the house a bit more than you used to, you napped, you relaxed.
You did a lot of things.
But you just feel like you need to “work”. Coach pressuring you to work, BNI members pressuring you to work. That’s a lie. They were talking about work and business, so you feel pressured to also show interest in work, when all you really want is to just not think about work.
Or is it I’m lazy? Oh, God. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think and feel so much? Why can’t I just schedule my calendar, and actually stick to it? Ok, I have to change that sentence. Even Brooke says she feels resistance before starting something she planned, so she scheduled a slot for the resisting. I should also do that. And let’s try to restructure the sentence, “Why can’t I just do whatever that’s on my calendar?” to “I have no problem honouring and following through on my time I set the calendar”.
- “Why can’t I just do whatever that’s on my calendar?”
- “I can do whatever that’s on my calendar, I just need time processing the resistance.”
- “I have a bit of resistance following through on my calendar, and that’s ok because I do it eventually”.
- “I have no problem honouring and following through on my time I set in the calendar.”
- “I always honour and follow through on my time I set in the calendar.”
Ok, let’s try this laddering. It feels better already.
Faliq is awake and I feel like I have to go to him? Maybe not, let’s finish this first. I should put this on my notes, for the things I will say every morning when I wake up.