I’m disappointed that my husband is still not awake yet. Literally and mentally. He’s still sleeping. I don’t think he understands what it is to be a parent. It’s not just about changing their diapers and bagi makan and send them to school. It’s also about giving them a sense of security, teach them life skills, set good examples (like wake up early, pray, and all that). It’s sad that we’re having a fifth kid and he’s still not realising it. And if I want to talk about current situation, he’s like, “What’s wrong with it?”
A lot is wrong with it! We’re still staying with my mom. There’s no proper place for the kids and us to sleep in, no proper place for them to play, to study. It’s difficult to teach the values that I want here.
The thing is, I don’t feel like I deserve to take anymore money from 7thlumen. Because I don’t think I’m doing the important jobs, like doing the artworks and stuff. But that’s not true, I do work for 7thlumen. I do the finance stuff, I meet clients, I do proposals & set meetings, I go networking. But those are the things I don’t want to do… I think because it’s not a show of skill, unlike coding and designing. I don’t know, I’m so conflicted.
I think I need to create a job description for myself. So I don’t feel conflicted and undeserving of money. Then I can find ways how to increase more money.