I have a confusion. A confused mind, about work. And money. I have a goal, which is money oriented, not work oriented. I want more money for myself, more income, but not necessarily from the business. I goal is to increase my income, not my expand business.
And that’s where I feel bad, and confused and guilty, selfish.
Maybe it’s because it’s a “dream” we have. Maybe it’s the amount of money that we’ve spent. Maybe it’s trying to prove myself or even worthiness to my family. Mom. Parents. Maybe it’s trying to prove I’m not a freeloader.
Maybe I need to do work again about my mom?
I think I need to change the affirmations. I want to increase my income to RM15,000 every month from 7thlumen salary.
But I write that, I feel heavy. I instantly think that’s going to be a lot of work. It’s going to take a lot of time. I shouldn’t take that much money from the company. What kind of boss am I to take that much? I should be focusing on expanding rather than to take money.
But if I lower it, to try to “separate” the sources, I feel guilty for not focusing 100% on 7thlumen.
And if I lower it, it’s like I don’t have faith that the business will do that well.
I feel greedy.
Now this has a lot to do with the readiness to accept / receiving & worthiness.
I think I want to do a model on each of the thoughts I had above. Those thoughts would be under result, I think. Yes, because I want to know what causing that thought.