Unloading possible & made up obstacles and excuses about Figment

Obstacles I would face if I start Figment, and what’s stopping me from starting Figment.

I’m not even going to counter my thoughts with positivity or rationale, I’m going to go all out worrying and freaking out.

  • Don’t have time
  • When can I find the time?
  • Faiz is starting school tomorrow, and I need to figure out our schedule
  • With 7thlumenm going on and I’ll be in the office all day, when I am going to sew?
  • Even if I find someone to sew, can I trust that person?
  • Can I trust that person not selling it herself/himself?
  • Can I trust them not using the materials wrongly? Or for their own use?
  • How much do I have to pay them?
  • What about quality?
  • How do I even do it?
  • Do I make a big batch straight away? Get the tailor to do them all then sell?
  • Or do I just make small batches, about 5 – 10 and try to sell those?
  • What if
  • Then I have to find back all my leftover materials. Which is going to be tiresome!! And will take a long time, dusty, smelly?
  • I don’t want to spend any more money on it and then NOT do it.
  • I already did that, and omg, I feel ashamed & embarrassed. And I’m just looking at the materials as a mess. And it’s contributing to my serabut-ness.

Maybe, all these while I said I want to clean up that room but never COULD get it cleaned, is because of my feelings about the materials? I mean, think about it, I have a lot of my craft stuff in there. My yarns, sewing stuff, leather, zips, it’s literally the place when I keep my “hopes and dreams”?? No, more like where I stash my failures? That room is fucking mess. Because I don’t know where to start cleaning up. Because maybe in my head, no matter how I tidy it, my failures and crushed dreams and unfulfilled dreams will keep it messy.

I was going to suggest to look at it from another perspective, instead of thinking it’s a mess, maybe think of it of the things that could make me money. Things I can utilise to give me more income. Things to get rid of that will bring me joy and money.

But WHEN??? When will make time to do it? To clear out the space?

It’s because then it will be entirely on me. The business would be entirely on me. I have no one, no excuse to slow me down, or blame. I mean, like in 7thlumen, if things go sour or don’t work out or just… silap, I can partly pun the blame on Syam. Or I can do stuff, explore options, because I know there’s Syam to back me up.

But if I start Figment again, I’ll be completely alone.

And that scares me because the decisions will be entirely on me, and I have no one to look to for approval or telling me it’s not good or it’s good. And even if someone DID give me feedback, I’ll probably reject it because I’ll think that that person doesn’t know what I’m facing because they’re not in the business. And if I did follow their advice and it didn’t work out, I’ll blame them and myself for listening to them and it would just affirm that I shouldn’t listen to people because they don’t know what I’m doing. And then, the pressure will be even more on me, because I believe that I have to do everything myself.

Then I’ll just stop again. And be embarrassed again.

  • I don’t have a proper sewing machine.
  • A new sewing machine costs money, and I’m not sure if I want to buy it. I mean, I’d like a new machine, but is it because I’m serious of starting sewing again or just the excitement from the thought?
  • Where the hell would I put the machine?
  • That room is a fucking mess.
  • I need my own space
  • The table is not comfortable for sewing.
  • Not comfortable for measuring, cutting as well.
  • What the hell am I going to do those yarns?
  • It’ll take a lot of time.
  • Especially the zippers.
  • But they’re so pretty. I take pride in the zippers. The zippers are the longest one to make, but it’s the one giving me the most satisfaction and pride. Because no one believed I did it. Not because they think I can’t do it, but because they can’t believe SOMEONE, a human can do it. I mean, seriously, sewing really is something that’s lost in my generation and also for the younger ones. And ESPECIALLY in the city. No one my age can fucking sew. I mean, sew an actual bag, if it’s not their profession. They APPRECIATED the damn zippers.
  • How long will it take to sew a bag? A day. Really? Yeah, maybe. I mean, I had a lousy sewing machine then. Well, not lousy, it’s perfectly usable, just not made for sewing leather.
  • I don’t want to spend more money that I don’t have. (Plus, I can’t anyway, I swiped on therapy and image consulting. Which is good for my self improvement, which was I want in my 5 year goal).

I don’t feel like I’ve unloaded everything about my worries about Figment. Oh yes, it’s coming back.

  • What about shipping?
  • I want to sell to the US, but shipping’s fucking expensive there.
  • Do I need a box for shipping?
  • Takkan la e-commerce je?
  • Then I have to spend time a booths pulak.
  • Are there even still booths?
  • Takkan nak jul wristlets je?
  • What about social media? Have to come with posts and take pictures.
  • Product pictures can la get Yellow Images to make mockups, but for one design je la sebab mahal nak mampus.
  • How to make my own mockup aa?
  • I mean, I can find la 3D modellers, but to make displacement maps in Photoshop?
  • Do I just want to sell the wristlets only? One design jer?
  • Macam susah sikit nak jual wristlets RM60. Maybe I should add a lower priced item jugak.
  • Eh ko tak start jual pun lagi, nak pikir product baru pulak.

Tadi ada terfikir something….

  • Oh, then company registration macam mana?
  • Nak pakai Elixir Group juga ke? If like that then leceh pulak accounts, and ken tax lagi.
  • Oh and nak pakai jugak ke nama Figment? Ke nak tukar So Bubba?
  • Apesal ko nak kena tukar plak kan. Rebrand konon, orang pun tak kenal lagi brand ko.

Hahahaha. Ok, now I feel lega sikit. Actually, lega a lot. I feel lighter. Baru rasa puas. Autocorrect ni buat aku bengang plak. Potong stim.

So what do I feel now? I feel lighter. As a reaction, I feel like I need to make a decision already. But my feelings are also telling me to slow down, and consider it, think about it thoroughly. There’s a lot to do, a lot to think about. I can’t do it all in one day. It’ll probably take a few months.

Hmm. Giving myself that much time allowance feels relief. Like I can breathe. I was just putting unnecessary pressure on myself previously. Maybe now I can look at the materials in the room and feel a different way towards it. Before this I had wanted to get rid of it because I was disappointed in my decisions and desperate to get my money back.

Notice how I don’t feel disappointed in me, just my decisions at that time. Which means I’m more forgiving now and that I understand mistakes were made and things don’t always go how you think it would. I’ve managed to separate myself from my decisions and my past from my present. Hey, I’m proud of me.

I feel even lighter. I feel good. I like this feeling. Again, it’s this feeling that I can do anything! Vasos told me to remember this feeling, and I am. I mean, it comes easier to me nowadays.

And I kind of know already how I want my blog to look like.

*Edit: And I just want to add that I think it’s freaking amazing that my first post for 2020 was about my own self-development and how proud I am of me!

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