Woke up feeling anxious

Anxious thoughts are coming in, when I realise that it’s 4 days before school starts, and 6 days before the new year comes in. We haven’t bought Faiz’s stationery yet and there’s shit tons of work to do. Hockademy, invoices, service contracts, Jaya Grocer. I was planning to 7thlumen social media content during the holidays and also to figure out what course of action to take with Figment. I still haven’t sewn Faiz’s school badges, or write his name on his books and wrap or whatever.

Ughh anxietyyy.

I also want to sort out the room and buy new cabinet for the kids.

I’m rambling in my head. The thoughts going around my head is so fast, it’s like a whirlpool of thoughts. Huh, whirlpool of thoughts. Some design idea. Not bad, brain.

Yeah ok, but I don’t want to start and go through the rest of the day like this. I’m feeling a bit hard to believe my goal lately, but that just means that I need to believe HARDER, instead of questioning it.
My goal, is to increase my income in three months by RM3000.

When I said that a few times, I had thought like… I’m going to work my ass off of for this, and just move forward. And then a sort of a image of my dad flashed by and I had a thought, isn’t that selfish? I don’t know. I really just don’t have time to meet and talk to other people, friends I mean.

I have my BNI group. That’s sufficient. At least they are people who have the same mindset. I rarely talk to people outside of my direct circle. Actually, face. I rarely talk to people outside my face now.

One is because I don’t like talking on the phone. It’s uncomfortable, your ears get panas and you get distracted from the call and the things you want to do. Second, it’s a fucking waste of time because the other person is always just going on and on, usually coming back to the same point in the beginning. That includes my stepmom. Which is why aku malas nak telefon ayah aku for updates.

Ugh, I’m impatient. I want to do things that are beneficial to me. I don’t see talking on the phone as beneficial. I prefer meeting in person.
I haven’t called Devin, faakkk.

I’m so lazy to go to BNI tomorrow. Not lazy, hesitant. But in Malay, everything is also malas kannn. Then I have BNI dinner tomorrow night pulak. Maybe because I can’t figure out a script kot. Entah. But bukannya aku tak dpt business kan.

Ah, rambling again. I know what to do, write down pending things to do before 30th Jan, and sort the time. And start believing my goal again!

At least the anxious feeling has gone down. I can think clearer now rather than having a jumbled, messy brain that’s suffering a thought diarrhoea. I think a reason I feel this way because I’ve been on drift mode since Monday. I was just buffering with work and social media, and today I felt like I hadn’t done shit or being purposeful and thus, the anxiety attack.

Ok, I just need to be purposeful. Even when I take a nap, it should be purposeful. I mean, it was. I decided to nap because I’m tired. And then I beat myself up for my own decisions *facepalm emoji* instead of owning up to it, and feel proud that I napped and took care of myself.

I just need to be purposeful.
Whatever decision I’m going to make today, it’s going to be intentional and purposeful.

What do you think?

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