Professionalism: Separating personal thoughts from work

You know, I used to think that credit card debt is bad. And I wanted to pay it off quickly so bad. But now I think it’s not so bad. There are times when I will need to use it, because I don’t have enough money in my debit card, but I do in my credit card. Now I feel bad about using my credit card, because the thought was playing in my head was, “That means you’re spending way over your means. Or you didn’t plan good enough”.

Yeah, that’s true. (Feeling defensive… ? But in an empowered way? I feel big)

That’s true I’m spending over my means. That’s true I didn’t plan properly. But that could also mean I have to increase my income. No, not could. It is. It just means that I need to increase my income.

But at the expense of my husband?

He’s kinda working his ass off, right?
Yes, but he’s not the only one doing work. He’s doing work for our current client, while I am also doing work to find NEW clients. So, no, he’s not the only one working, and I shouldn’t feel bad.

I feel bad that I can’t design as good as him, that’s true. I feel bad I can’t design as quick as him, that’s true. But I can still design and still fast. Give me a website and I code like cirit birit.

Hm. I want to practice my UI/UX design balik la. Hm. My IDF punya course tu pun tak habis lagi. Ha ha ha.

Hm… I need to thought download that & also bring it up to Vasos.

Banyak nya aku rasa macam nak kena belajar. About branding, about UI/UX.
Takde ke group HR kat facebook yang aku boleh join to know about new laws and shit? I have an accountant, which is Panchali.

All these, just makes me want to earn more money.

I want to design, I want to create. But I think I have problems like what Syam mentioned yesterday. Like, we have an idea in our head and we try to it and tak jadi, and we scrap it instantly. That’s me. Literally me. I did that for years. The only confidence I got from creating something was the wristlets, Billplz EDMs, illustrations basically.

But then now, I’m holding back on SoBubba’s design! The fuck.

Haih, I need to persevere. Don’t quit. QUITTING SLOWS YOU DOWN (it true).

Like, I said I wanted to maintain Maryam’s website (which is out of scope), but I wanted to, because I wanted to prove something. I wanted to prove that I can do website? That eCommerce works? I don’t know. But I wanted to prove something.

…. I wanted to prove myself worth? But to whom? I did the website, I did all the pictures. Not my problem if they didn’t update. No, it’s not. Even if I wanted to maintain it, what will I do? I don’t the pictures. And the pictures they took in store are bad.

If I want to prove something, let it be with SoBubba or Figment.

What do you think?

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