Capacity to have WORK.

Hey. How are you this morning? Not feeling great, actually. Bad sore throat, mucous around my eyes and red eyes. My breath feels hot. Maybe I feel worse because I didn’t sleep a full 7-hour sleep, doing that Hangyul line art.

I have a meeting this morning. My body’s aching really bad. I guess that Nefful is good, I placed it on my shoulders as I slept, and when I turned to hug Fariz, my shoulder area cracks. When it was really stiff before. Looking forward for my Osteo appointment.

I don’t think I have a lot of work to do today… ? I don’t know, I can’t think yet.

Oh, I wanted to do a model. About capacity of having. I realised, it’s not that I don’t have the capacity to have money. I don’t have the capacity to have a job / project! I want one, I want new clients, but when I get it, I sabotage it! Macam Kaz, Adastream, Rotorniaga. So what are my thought about it?

“The power of wanting from a place of abundance vs lack.”

Brooke Castillo, Episode #268 The Capacity to Have

What was the thoughts when I took these jobs? I need to do it? I have to take it? Nanti orang ni tak nak bagi aku job dah. Boring siot pakai WordPress. Buruk la templates skrang. Kerja simple je ni.

What was the feelings when I had these jobs? Procrastinating. Malas. Half-assed. I didn’t want to do it. Angry. I feel like I’m wasting time a lot of time doing something “simple”.

What was my actions when I did these jobs? Sambil lewa. Lacking attention to detail. Rushing the job. Doing it the last minute because I wouldn’t / couldn’t decide.

What’s the results? Work I’m not proud of. Work I know I could do better.

Why is success hard for us sometimes? One of the main reasons is we don’t think it should be, so then we beat ourselves up for not appreciating what we have.

Brooke Castillo

So this case, I think it’s hard for me because I think I’m a fraud when it comes to web design / development. And in my head, I want to do the best, design the prettiest website, make it the most functional, put tracking codes, nurture it to be my baby. Because I want to prove to whoever that I can code. I can do website. Not from templates!

The answer is compassion. The answer is accepting your own worthiness, your own blessings, your own abundance in your life.

I am worthy. It doesn’t matter if I’m using WordPress templates. Or Visual Composer and plugins. I don’t know how to write those codes, and it’s fine. At the end of the day, all I have to do is get the job done, and make sure it works well.

The problem is, I’m trying to impress people by what I think matters to them. Like, awesome design. I don’t even know what awesome is. But they don’t care as much. They want it to work. Their business is not the website, their business model is not through the website.

I’m just making it hard for myself by thinking that these clients want out-of-the box designs. Then I beat myself up when I can’t do it. And I resent myself when I have to use WordPress templates. But unless clients specifically asked for a great design, they usually don’t care. They just want the website to work as they expected. Eg – Registration forms, relevant informations.

So my thoughts should be, it’s okay if I use WordPress. It’s okay if I don’t design it myself or code it. I’m going to get the job done, and I’m going to do it good. Even if I had help. 🙂

What do you think?

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