7thlumen business goal: Achieve a revenue of RM1Mil from Feb 2019 – Feb 2020, to pay overhead & be profitable.
First thing I did was to look at the date. It’s November now, February 2020 is only 3 months away? How in the world are we getting RM800,000 more in 3 months?
The scene/weather is so clear outside.
Why do I feel heavy and burdened? Is it because of the time? The dateline that we set ourselves? That I set?
I thought to myself as I was getting up the elevator, “maybe we should just stick as graphic designers”. That felt calming because it’s something we, I, know we can do. The thought of being a branding consultant is daunting, especially when I think that I’m not explaining myself well. No wait, the thought was… other people has an easier time or way to explain what they do. Their profession is self-explanatory – graphic designer, social media marketer, electrician, air-cond specialist. Whereas for me – branding consultant – it’s wide, new, and takes time to explain. So I feel bad or like I shouldn’t be doing this when I think I’m not explaining myself properly. When it’s not self-explanatory. I have to elaborate on what I do.
While I’m typing this, I’m also trying to coax myself away from feeling bad, and I’m trying to tell myself to think positive. Which is good, I guess, but I’m not done feeling bad or more precisely, I’m not done getting to the root cause of it.
So I think, I’m just feeling bad because of how I “perform” during weekly presentations. I feel pressured because they are all older people, who have more experience in business, and I feel like I need to impress them all. Which I actually don’t need to, but I want to, because I want business from them.
What I’m actually afraid of is getting a bad testimonial. I feel pressured because I want a good testimonial.
What does any of this have to do with getting RM1Mil? It plays a part, on my confidence in building this business.
Another pressure I’m feeling is, I don’t know if I’m capable of doing this. Impostor syndrome, again. It was there when I was doing front-end development, it’s here as I’m doing branding.
Hmm. Brooke’s right, again. I need to work on why I think I’m going to be “found” out.