I got the RM10k I cashed out from Prudential, the one I intended on paying my credit card. I was looking forward to get it and was excited when I finally received it.
But when I wanted to pay off my second card, I felt hesitant. I felt like I wanted to keep some to spend. I thought that maybe I should hold on to it for a while. You know, the capacity to have.
I don’t know why I didn’t want to part with the money that I had already meant to pay off my credit card.
I paid it all anyway, but it didn’t actually feel good. I felt sayang. I thought of saving a bit of that money to change my phone screen or buy an iphone 11.
But then I calculated my remaining credit card debt and the monthly payment I had to make, and then it felt good. And when I deducted the Adobe subscription I was supposed to claim back from the company, and my monthly payment was even less, I felt excited.
I don’t why when seeing that chunk of money, I felt like I want to cling to it. Actually, I didn’t want to cling to it when it was still RM10,000. I felt scared and contracted after I paid one of the cards, and I’m left with RM5,000. Then I didn’t want to let go, even when I know the purpose of taking out the cash value and paying the cards was to lessen my month commitments.
Maybe terkejut kot tengok duit cepat habis. But I’ve thought about this, it’s money I’m not using.
I know I have a lot of thoughts regarding money, but they’re all buzzing around in my head that I can’t make any sense of it now.
Maybe I’m questioning if it really was a right decision.
I mean, I want to get more money right? Not cut down my spending. Because that would make me feel scarcity. But nothing wrong with lessening my debt as well.
Maybe because I wanted to spend the money. Buy things, that’s why I was hesitant. I should list down things I want to buy. Get it off my chest.
I should be celebrating that I’m free of debt, right?