Growing up with eczema.

I suffer from a few skin conditions:

  1. On my scalp (like dandruff, but it’s not. Bigger flakes) and it goes down to my forehead, the sides of my face, my neck, my eyebrows and sometimes around my nose. It forms a sort of ring of dry skin.
  2. There are light and dark patches on my right hand, all the way from the back of my hand to the back of my shoulders. They dry up, and sometimes break up and it stings when they do. It popped up like mushrooms after a surgery I had to remove a lump on my right breast.
  3. I have a white patch on my right chest ever since I was a small child. According to my mother, it started as a small dot, and grew bigger. It stopped growing already.
  4. My legs are itchy. They just get itchy randomly and I would scratch at them until they bleed.

I don’t even know what exactly are they, because despite of the numerous visits to different specialists, none of them could come up with a definite diagnose. None of them said the same thing. The craziest thing I heard was “birthmark”. But the treatment was the same, surprisingly. It was always petroleum jelly or tar jelly and steroid creams. And the results were always the same – it’ll be gone for a week then it comes back like crazy, and the creams don’t work anymore. I later found out my skin developed steroid addiction.

By now I realised that I might suffer adverse reactions from various factors – vaccinations, drug use (medicines) and also food.

As I was growing up, I’ve been ridiculed for my skin condition. Sadly enough, by my own family members. Back in the 90s, eczemas are not common then as they are now – almost every child has some form of skin condition. And unfortunately for me, I was the only one in my family who developed one.

I was sickly child, always going to the doctors. I’ve had full vaccinations, but I was sick as hell. One time I was admitted for having high fever and I had developed a rash all over my body. That time my father blamed my mother for not taking good care of me.

But as I grew older and I started to develop more skin conditions, they started blaming me. Especially my father. My parents are divorced and I’m staying with my mom, so he barely sees me. But when he does see me, he’ll make sure to point the very obvious skin condition I had, as if I didn’t realize it was there. They were saying I wasn’t clean enough. That I wasn’t shampooing enough. That I was using the wrong shampoo. That I didn’t let my hair dry properly.That I didn’t change my sheets enough.

At one point my father even said that it looks disgusting and that dia geli tengok (revolted to look at me). Parenting, smh. My mom wasn’t so blunt, but she complains and worries about my skin. One time when I was 24 or 25 during Eid, my aunt said to me that maybe my boyfriend haven’t proposed is because of my skin. Yep. Of course there are a lot more comments from my family, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. So that says a lot about the first two comments from my dad & aunt.

See, when doctors nowadays say that eczema is your genetic’s fault, and not a reaction from a vaccine, then what about me? I remember my mom wondered, and trying to recall anyone in our family & my dad’s that had skin condition. None of them did. My skin condition is not because of genetics. That was why I was being ridiculed so much by my own family.

I still have conditions. They used to make me depressed. I’ve lived with it, but they really make a mess. And sometimes they get on my children’s faces. I’ve stopped taking medicines and creams. It’s much more manageable without them.

I’m improving my lifestyle, started taking probiotics and making sure I have enough sleep and water. I hope it’ll go away for good, I can wait.

What do you think?

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