Limited income

I know I have access to a lot of money. But why is my income so little? Kenapa aku ambil RM5,000 je bulan-bulan, sedangkan my commitments are way higher than that? Why am I not taking more? Thoughts: I don’t work as much. I don’t put in as much work. I don’t do design work, […]

Daily Gratitude

29 August 2020

Good morning. I'm starting journaling again, online. I did before on my iPad, but now that school has started again, I find that I don't have enough time to write. And that has been an excuse for me to not journal. So I decided to type. I'm still sleepy. I want to go back to sleep, actually. But Fariz is already awake. He wanted to go up to Mama's room, but Mama is also sleeping. So he's here next to me, on the iPad. My brain is still processing, my eyes are heavy and I'm yawning. But I'm doing this anyway, 15-30 minutes. I have a meeting later today with Mr Tyller from Perak. He wants to do a packaging for his product. I haven't given him the price yet, but Syam says he should be expecting the price because he got our number from someone in Bernas/ERA/Jasmine. Well, maybe, but I really don't think we should be charging the same price for individuals or startups, or non-corporate companies. But yeah, whatever. I'm just going to thought-dump now, rather than thought journal. People are stupid. People on Facebook are stupid. People who write statuses on Facebook are stupid. I usually don't like to dump all of the people together, because I know there are people that are different. But as of this morning, I'm just pissed. And I want to let it out. And these people are in my friends' list. I don't know what the fuck happened, but they seem dumber than before. Than before getting married, having kids. For one, maybe it's because there's she's not working. The other, probably just taking an easy way out. Another just compares themselves to everyone and feels shit all the time, but never would they show it to the public. It's always happy life, perfect marriage, perfect kids with them. Fuck. I hate Facebook. Lol. Love-hate. I don't love it, I need to use it as a platform to advertise and get "up-to-date" with the current trends of my target audience. I prefer Instagram or Tik Tok. They're funnier. Not so much self-righteous, holier-than-thou shit. I'm going to make coffee for a bit. Brb. I made a mistake of going on Facebook for a bit, and I saw my friend replied to my comment. And FUCKING HELL STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING ON FATE. "Rezeki masing2 sis" <-- about me knowing about hypnobirthing and she didn't. Motherfff, you're in the same fucking group as I am. You were presented the SAME access as I did. The difference is I CHOSE to learn it, and you didn't. What the fuck is a normal contraction? Yours is more pain is it? Or is it more weird? How the fuck do you know if your contractions are normal or NOT?? Regularity? It wasn't regular with my 3rd. It's just depending on your fucking pain threshold MY GOD. And that's why hypnobirthing was CREATED. To manage labor pains smh omg I'm ded. I had to ask. HAHAHAHA. FUCK I can't help myself. I had to ask what's wrong with her contractions. In one way to privately diminish her, and in one day to also understand her thinking. And I can bet it's silly. God. Well, I guess it easier, you know. Blame it on fate. "I'm a victim because this thing happened to me and I didn't have it easy like anybody else." FUCK! I'm glad I'm not close to her anymore. Alhamdulillah. Don't need this small kind of mindset. Now I feel a bit bad, but meh. What can you do? Like Vasos said, don't waste your energy on people who don't want to be helped. It's funny, you know. There are people who say they want help, but when you offer them help, it turns out they just want you to agree with them, agree that they're victims. Agree that their life is hard, that their obstacles are unique to them. I  guess, let them be. Let God deal with them. They're leaving it all up to fate anyway. God, that's another concept that I don't get. "Everything is written, if Allah made me this way, then this is how I am." What a load of shit. If that's the case, then why did Nabi Muhamad SAW told us make an effort first, THEN leave it up to Allah? Here's the thing - we're talking about Allah. The creator of everything. Of you, me, the Universe, the wind, the sea, the ocean, all the tiny fucking planktons and bacterias in the face of the Earth. If He made you that way, He can also fucking change it. I believe that's why Nabi said that. Sure, if you don't do something in your life, you'll be stuck where you are. But if make an effort, Allah can always change the outcome. He fucking wrote your life. He CAN edit it. The only thing that doesn't change is when you're born and when you die. But anywhere in between living, you have all the power. You have all the decision making power. But after you make that decision, you have to live with it. God didn't WILL it. Well, he allowed it to happen, of course. But you always get to choose. Because if you don't, why did He bother to create you, all of us? And give us more than just a brain, he gave us akal, something that not even the angels have. And that's special. And He calls us His most perfect creation. Fuck I'm crying now. I realise how great He is, I've always have. But more often than not, I forget His existence. That I'm here because of Him. I'm blessed, truly. Alhamdulillah, truly. Ok I'm gonna go off and continue to cry in gratitude.
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